A Field in Which to Frolic**


A Letter to the Fitzgerald Sisters
March 27, 2013, 11:59 pm
Filed under: So are the days of my life

Dear Megan and Christine,

I really miss you guys. I think about you quite often. I’ve considered contacting one of you, but I don’t want to do anything that will upset you. And since our last contact was you telling me to leave you alone, I feel I must respect that.

I wish I could tell you that I’m really sorry for everything that happened. While I never once thought that the things N told you were in anyway untrue, I wholeheartedly wish I never would have even introduced you to her. I didn’t know it then, but I do now: she really was, and most certainly still is, the manipulative liar that you told me she was then. At that time though, I honestly believed otherwise.

You see, she eventually screwed me over also. I bet you’re not surprised to hear that. Unfortunately, that’s what it took for me to realize the kind of person she always was. I now know I never should have excused the things she did and the way she behaved. All I can say is that, as her closest friend, I was for some reason blind to it all.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible that if you knew she was out of my life, you might consider a friendship with me again. I wish I could tell you that I never meant for you to get hurt, and that I wasn’t even aware that I was playing a part in hurting you.

I wish I would have had the perspective then that I do now. I know without a doubt I would have handled things differently. I am a much different person then than I am now, and in retrospect after all these years, I really wish I would have been less concerned about proving that I never intentionally deceived you, and more concerned with understanding where you were coming from. If there was anything I could do now to take it back, I would.

I have pretty regular dreams where I run in to one or both of you, and you forgive me and we’re instant friends again. I would give just about anything to have that happen in waking life.

I’m writing this here in the hopes that the Universe will help me out and somehow put it in front of one of you. You were two of the best people I have ever known, and I really hope that our paths cross again.

I’m sorry for every causing either of you pain. Even if I never see you again, I will always treasure the year we lived together and all the great times we had. I hope you both are living the lives you’ve always wanted, and that happiness abounds.

With much love,

Candace

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