A Field in Which to Frolic**


A Thin Line Between Seduction and Rape?
June 25, 2013, 12:35 pm
Filed under: IMO

Tell Her She Wants It and Eventually She’ll Believe You?

Please be warned that the following quote from this Slate article is graphic. It’s an article about an article about a book called Above The Game: A Guide To Getting Awesome With Women, that is in no way, awesome. Here’s a disgusting little tidbit for you.

“Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don’t ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.

“If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know. If she says ‘STOP,’ or ‘GET AWAY FROM ME,’ or shoves you away, you know she is not interested. It happens. Stop escalating immediately and say this line: ‘No problem. I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.’

“Memorize that line. It is your go-to when faced with resistance. Say it genuinely, without presumption. All master seducers are also masters at making women feel comfortable. You’ll be no different. If a woman isn’t comfortable, take a break and try again later.”

This is not seduction, this is coercion. This is sexual assault with the potential for rape. Saying “If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know,” is sadly, not always true. Plenty of girls/women go along with things like this, even when they don’t want to, because we’ve been conditioned to believe that once we get ourselves in a sexual situation, there’s no going back. We’re not allowed to say no to anything, once we’ve said yes to something.

This is something men NEED to know. They need to understand that manipulating someone into doing anything sexual should not be seen as a victory, but rather, a form of assault. In reading this quote from an article defending the guide, it’s clear the author has no idea how little he understands women and sexual boundaries:

“When someone accuses me of encouraging violence against women, or says something like, “somebody is going to use this guide to rape a woman,” those are not allegations that I take lightly…. In the intention of anything that I’ve written, there is nothing that encourages violence against women, that’s absurd; I would never ever do that, that goes against every value that I have. But I don’t want to just completely write it off and say okay, that was just sensationalism and overreaction, and there might not be any point there. I want to figure out what the point is, and how do I correct that. I do want to understand why people might interpret me that way.”

No Means NoNo Means No, But You Need to Say It!

Of course, women must be held accountable for this misconception as well. We need to understand that we ALWAYS have the right to say no. No matter how hot and heavy it’s become, no matter how many times you’ve done it before, if you want to stop you have the right to stop. You never, ever, owe anyone anything when it comes to your body and sex.

This is something that I have only recently believed. There have been multiple times that I’ve wanted to change my mind, but didn’t because I believed I’d lead the guy to believe it was going to happen. That he’d be (gasp!) mad at me if I said I wanted to stop. Most of these times came when I was much younger, but even recently I have been in sexual situations that I let go further than I wanted because I felt it was too late to stop. One night, I actually texted a friend from a guy’s bedroom telling her, “I don’t want to be here, but I don’t know how to stop it.” At the time, I tried to make a joke of it, but in reality it’s not a joke. I gave my body to someone I didn’t want to give it to, because I didn’t have the guts to tell him no. And that is unacceptable.

How do we empower girls to grow up to be the kind of women with the self-respect to say “no” when they want? We, as mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and friends need to be open and  honest with each other, especially with the younger females in our lives. Share your experiences unashamedly in the hopes that someone listening will learn something.

We also need to encourage strong female role models. Bella Swan from Twilight should be no girl’s role model. The incredible Laci Green should. Let’s all encourage each other to own and embrace our sexuality. Show both the men and the women in your life that your sexual choices are yours alone, and do it without fear, shame, or regret.

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